Saturday, October 25, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
Changes
We are experiencing some technical difficulties as we make some changes with our domain. Thank you for your patience!
Joyfully His,
Sara
Thursday, September 11, 2014
How God Gave Me Victory Over 9-11
September 2008
The clock was ticking. One joyous hour had passed since my youngest son's birth. The process had been simpler than last time, and I was gratefully munching on delicious food. While a nurse checked on me, Tim surprised me by asking her, "What is that dripping sound?" The nurse replied casually, "Oh, it's probably just something in the bathroom." Nope. It was me.
Suddenly I felt like an actress in a dramatic movie:
- In one corner, my extremely concerned husband was talking with a doctor
- Our room was suddenly filled with people, my hospital bed surrounded by worried nurses
- The anesthesiologist (whom I had expected never to see again) was poised, ready to prepare me for surgery
Someone got down close to me and explained that I may need to have an emergency hysterectomy. I only remember saying, "I don't want to die." Praying that I would live to continue to be Tim's wife and Bugga and Booga's mommy, they pushed me down the hallway toward surgery. I was lifted onto a table. Then it all went black.
I woke up gasping for breath and shaking uncontrollably. Tim and our pastor were standing next to me. As the symptoms lessened, I was relieved to learn I had only needed a D&C (a surgical procedure to clear out stubborn placenta that was causing me to hemorrhage). My uterus was in tact, but, my blood count was terribly low - less than half of normal.
That evening, when my Dad asked about what I had been through, I was startled by my sharp reply: "I don't want to talk about it!" My heart had been stretched further than it ever had been before. All I could do was think about my too-close-for-comfort brush with death and thank God for getting me through.
Hoping that the worst was behind me, I looked forward to going home and starting our new life with two boys. But, my blood count was simply too low. Thus, a miserable blood transfusion followed two days later. They couldn't find a vein. I could think of a million places I'd rather be at that moment. God sent a gentle nurse to pray with me. "I don't like needles!" I tearfully admitted my dread. She sympathetically held my hand and sadly whispered, "I don't either." They tried again and again ... finally, mercifully, a willing tunnel accepted the gift of life, and soon we were on our way home.
For months I struggled with the fear of dying. Sure, I knew that whenever it was my time to go, I would go to be with God. But, this solid fact surprisingly didn't prevent the panic attacks I was experiencing. It didn't help that my weakened state was the ideal resort for every germ within a hundred miles. I was sick more than I was well, and I kept getting weaker. I felt like a helpless, hopeless, useless woman. A few sweet friends from church and my sister came to help us. They were such an encouragement! Sadly, I hardly remember having the energy to enjoy my babies.
Curiously, as the title of this post suggests, my fear manifested itself primarily in an obsession about September 11, 2001. Every day I would have day-mares, reliving the horrors I had seen on television and heard on the radio. It felt like I was chained in front of a video stuck on replay. This wasn't something on my to-do list: Think morbid thoughts.
Truth be told, I was stuck and didn't know how to get out. To exacerbate my rut even further, it seemed like every time I looked at a clock it said 9:11. Even though I prayed, went to church, and read my Bible, I felt like I was losing touch with reality.
A medical doctor referred me to a local Christian counselor. She was a good listener, kind, and pointed me to God's sovereignty. Practically she suggested that whenever my thoughts started capsizing, I should immediately stop whatever I'm doing and walk into another room, completely changing my activity. This diversion helped, but I needed something more powerful. I desperately sought the strength of my Counselor.
"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Isaiah 9:6
I cried out to God and asked Him to pull me out of this pit of death. I thought often of Psalm 40 and waited for Him to pull me out of the miry clay and set my feet on a rock and establish my goings. I sensed that God wanted me to be specific in my prayers, so I asked Him to turn my head clock-ward at eleven minutes after anything except nine: 2:11, 5:11, 7:11. And I promised Him that every time I would see an "11" I would say, out loud, "God is faithful! Thank You, God!"
Almost immediately, I kid you not, from that time forward nearly every time I looked at a clock I was rewarded with seeing 2:11, 5:11, 7:11, 12:11, and so forth. For years I had known God's power through His word and His work in my life. But with this recent gift, I knew the power of God in a very personal way, and I could see the tender warmth of the Son burning off the fog of fear. My toxic thoughts changed to praise and I poured out, "God is faithful! Thank You, God!" It was particularly delightful when He would cause me to look up and see 11:11 - double duty praise and thankfulness!!
After about a year, my health improved and I regained strength. God had never left my side, and He became dearer than ever before.
 |
| With Joshua (2 weeks old) at Pikes Peak State Park |
Why do I share this with you? It is so tiny compared to what others have suffered due to the events of 9-11. I do not pretend to compare my situation with others. Nevertheless, I too, in a small way, suffered part of the consequences of sin and death in this world. It was a dark time in my life. God let me stay there, I believe, long enough to always remember what it felt like. Then, when His timing was right, God pierced through my shadows with His marvelous light.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, my enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell. Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war may rise against me, in this I will be confident. One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock."
Psalm 27:1-5
Whatever it is - from your past or in your present, it isn't too big for God. He can work in seemingly small ways to remind us of His huge faithfulness. Have you asked Him to show you His light?
If you have time, here is an amazing account of a Bible recovered after 9-11-01.
Joyfully His,
Sara
P.S. This morning (9-11-14) I looked to see what time it was, and the clock read 11:11 - "God is still faithful, thank You, God ... God is still faithful, thank You God."
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
God's Stop Signs - My Allergy Elimination Diet and a Journey to Better Health (body, mind, spirit)
How was your summer? I hope it was a great one!
Our summer schedule looked inviting ... with just the right amount of busy. But as soon as it started, it was a struggle. By the beginning of June I felt like I. couldn't. move. I had been sick for a few weeks and couldn't snap out of it. I didn't know what to do, so I contacted a doctor friend of mine to see what she would suggest. She lives about 45 minutes away but she said she could help me (has gone through it herself and has helped many women like me).
Beginning of Diagnosis
After lots of paperwork and a lengthy interview (it is a gift to have a doctor who really cares and listens!), she began treating me according to my symptoms and as the result of many tests which gave clues as to what was going on with me:
Insulin resistance (the step before pre-diabetes), leaky gut, adrenal fatigue, vitamin D and B deficiencies, possibly an auto immune disease (maybe Hashimoto's or Pernicious Anemia), environmental and food sensitivities.
After pigging out on my last box of Cheez-Its, I immediately began an allergy elimination diet: no dairy, no grains, no fruit (except lime and lemon), no nuts, no vinegar (I was taking Braggs apple cider vinegar daily, but she thought it might cause candida issues), no nightshades (tomatoes, eggplant, peas, potatoes, peppers, beans (except green), pimentos, paprika - there is a good post to explain this here.), no sweetener (not even stevia). Doc said that anything that tastes sweet affects insulin, so that includes most fruit and even stevia.
You might ask, "What's left?!" The good news is that I could have: grass fed/antibiotic free meat, fish, most veggies, and healthy fats (coconut oil, avocado, pure coconut milk/cream, olive oil).
After a month of eating just the list I mentioned, I was able to begin adding in one food at a time. Dr. Laura wanted me to introduce a food, wait three days (because there can be a delayed reaction) and reintroduce the food and wait another three days. Assuming everything goes well, that adds up to one new food each week. Knowing this wouldn't be a quick fix, I asked Doc, "So will I be feeling much better in a few months?" To which she replied, "A year and a half." God help me!!
Symptoms
Some friends ask, "What were your symptoms?" It's easier to say, "You name it!" because there were so many. But, I will take time to list many of them right here and now:
- Debilitating fatigue
- Foggy brain (can't think straight and feel like there is something blocking my brain)
- Itchy rash over most of my body
- Insatiable cravings for sugar and carbs
- Sudden and uncharacteristic outbursts of anger (especially after I ate sugar and gluten) - most of the time I would leave the room or suppress it, but sometimes I yelled at my kids
- Anxiety and depression
- Dimming eye sight
- My whole body ached most of the time
- Nausea
- Throbbing eyes
- Chronic bronchitis
- Trouble breathing deeply
- Irregular cycles
- Fingernails falling apart
- Barely able to keep up with basic household duties
- Insomnia
- Sensitivity to noise
- Apathy
- Arthritic pain in my hands
- Numbness at times in my hands and feet
- Sharp pains in my chest
- Headaches
- Inability to remember things
- Crying and feelings of hopelessness
- Stomach pain and trouble digesting food
- Three miscarriages
- Inability to be in crowds of people for very long
- Thinning hair
- Stuffy nose
- Dizziness
- Acne
- Inability to lose weight
- Etc.
Over the past few years I had gone to doctors and had only been diagnosed as gluten sensitive. I knew there was more wrong with me, but nobody could figure it out. Dr. Laura ordered an extensive blood test, urine test, and stool test (still need to do the saliva test). The reason she thinks that I may have an auto-immune disease is because my symptoms are common to it and because many of my symptoms fell into opposing categories: for example, I had some strong hypo-thyroid symptoms, as well as definite hyper-thyroid symptoms.
My Menu
The first two months were so hard, as I detoxed from sugar and tried to adjust to eating differently. To give you an idea of what I eat, here is a list of what a few days of meals looks like for me:
B: bacon, yellow squash
L: Lettuce, leftover chicken, olive oil
S: Coconut chicken: Chicken baked with a can of coconut cream, ginger, cumin, coriander, salt ... on top of spaghetti squash
B: Bacon, cauliflower, olive oil
L: Purple cabbage, sausage (I take a lb. of ground pork and add a tsp. of each: nutmeg, sage, rosemary, thyme, salt
)
S: Hamburger wrapped in lettuce with tomato, bacon, sweet potato fries
B: Sausage, canned asparagus, olive oil
L: Kale, bacon
S: Homemade spaghetti sauce (once I could eat tomatoes) over spaghetti squash
B: Spinach/arugula mix, chicken, olive oil
L: Tilapia, salad steamed veggies, o.o.
S: Ham, canned green beans, o.o., basil, oregano
B: X
L: Salmon, yellow summer squash, o.o., coconut oil
S: Chicken, tarragon, brussel sprouts, olive oil
B: Chicken, zucchini, avocado, tarragon
L: Pork chop, lettuce salad, olive oil with lime, tarragon
S: Sausage, acorn squash, coconut oil
I try to cook the same for my family, simply adding a pot of rice, noodles, or biscuits for them to enjoy.
Reintroductions
I've been able to add back in: macadamia nuts, blueberries, strawberries, and tomatoes. Blessings! I've had a bad reaction to eggs, almonds, and of course gluten. I am VERY SAD about the eggs. We get free-range organic eggs from an Amish farmer, and my body does not like them. I'm still trying to accept this fact and be grateful for the foods I can eat.
Doc said it can take three months to get dairy out of your system, so on September 19th I will be able to try grass-fed butter. PRAYING that it works for me. If so, I will get to try goat cheese and then yogurt. It would be lovely to be able to enjoy these foods, if God says it's okay.
Blessings and Road Blocks
God helped me take the boys to VBS in July. That was a huge praise! Forty-five minutes drive twice a day - God helped me do it, plus play the piano three times each day. But, while Tim and the boys were camping for a few days, I got violently ill and had to be taken to the ER by my neighbor. We still don't know what caused that problem.
And since then we've figured out that something in our church building might be making me sick. One Sunday night on our way home, after spending most of the time in the church basement, I felt like I couldn't move, couldn't stop crying, and could barely talk. Tim had to help me into the house to my bed. If I spend much time in the basement it seems worse. So, for right now I am staying upstairs in the church building. Sigh.
God wants me to slow down and change some things. We weren't able to go to family camp, and for that matter we can't go very far from home at all right now. I don't know what He's doing, but I can trust that it is good.
While I have seen relief from many of my symptoms, at times I feel very depressed. I don't have as much energy as I hoped I would have at this point. There are good days and bad days. I've definitely spent more time studying and listening to God's Word. I've asked God to help me, and He has sent people to encourage, show they care, and pray with me and for me. It means SO MUCH to have a friend call just to see how I'm doing.
He has also helped me locate a Christ-centered program to help me deal with my mind: 21 Day Brain Detox. I so appreciate Dr. Leaf. She has the science combined with God's word to explain how to Romans 12:1-2 - renew your mind.
What I've Been Learning
1. Food was my idol. I'm still trying to fill in the gap that has been left by withdrawing my time, energy, and excitement (and pleasure of tasting and eating) trying new recipes and cooking fancy delicacies for my family. I've been spoiled, and it is extremely sad when I cannot go out to eat or even to an ice cream stand. God has taken this out of my priority list so that He is nearer the top! Food is very much tied to socializing in our culture. I already knew this, but it stands out even more now. It is challenging to meet with people and always having to bring my own food. There are only two restaurants that are safe for me to go to (with no risk of cross contamination).
2. There is so much about the body we don't understand. I also knew this, but since nutrition and health have been my hobby for a few years, I had read tons of books on the subject. And through this process I've been learning so much and know I have only scratched the surface learning about God's incredible creation. How could anyone believe all this evolved?!
3. Don't fight what God is doing. A couple nights ago I was in such turmoil during the night (typical, but it had been escalating). God lovingly showed me that I was angry with Him about my health, about my food limitations, and a few other things. It is, of course, sin, to accuse Him of doing to me what living in this world cursed by sin has done to my body and mind. Once I confessed my anger and He forgave me, I felt relief and relaxation drench my soul. God has allowed this for a reason - a very good reason. He knows that I need this experience to grow. I am so thankful I can trust Him to go through this with me.
4. My body likes eating this way. Once a month had passed and my metabolism switched to fat burning instead of carb burning, my weight began to drop. In about nine weeks I had lost 17 lbs. It feels so good to be where I've wanted to be weight-wise for years! Doc said this is not uncommon once you figure out a person's food sensitivities and heal their gut. I'm hardly ever hungry (don't have that "gotta eat something" hanging over me all day long). I no longer feel like I need to sleep after each meal (not that I did sleep after every meal, but I felt like it). It is wonderful to be able to let go of the extra weight in my life (not just physical, but mental, emotional, social and spiritual!) and to have a more focused view on God and what is most important in life.
5. There are many worse things in the world, but this is hard. Sometimes I feel like I am in a prison. I can't take a break. I cannot have a once a day treat, or a once a week treat, or even a once a month treat!!! The first month I felt like I could kill for a piece of chocolate cake. Thankfully no one was maimed. And God has been graciously adjusting my taste buds, so I rarely weep over where I find myself. Also, I have to remember, this will get better. But, I must get used to a new normal. I will never go back to how I was eating before. At least once a week I think ahead to the marriage feast of the Lamb - and I am going to savor every bite (when I get there, no doubt the importance of food will fade even more in His presence)!
6. Love. Tim and the boys know that I love them when I make food for them that I used to enjoy. They have shown such love and compassion! Sometimes they hug me when I can't hold back the tears, like last night when they had buttered popcorn and frozen yogurt. They hugged me and told me how much they love me. And when we sat down to watch Facing the Giants I knew I was loved while I munched on my sweet potato and bacon (which, by the way, was very satisfying).
7. It helps to laugh! The other night I was in Barnes and Noble, pouring over the healthy cookbooks. I felt like crying because there were still so many things in THOSE that I can't eat. A man sitting nearby was groaning audibly as he looked in several diabetes cookbooks. At one point he cried out in despair, "Bean patte?!?" When I came home and told Tim about it, he understandingly replied, "And you felt like saying to him, 'I would love to have bean patte!'" Sometimes when I feel so discouraged, it is as though Jesus puts His arms around me and gently reminds me, "Sara, I never got to eat pizza, ice cream, or chocolate either." And we laugh together - awww, He is such a comfort!
What Now?
For those of you who are going through much harder things, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I do know that God has a plan for your life as well as mine, and we can trust Him! Wouldn't it be delightful to be able to get a diagnosis, pop a pill, and be all well? Or maybe for you ... to find a husband, to have a child, to see wayward family members come to Christ, to get relief from your grief, to get money to pay those bills, and be all better? God is constantly using the struggles of life for one purpose: to draw us to Himself. And when He has our attention we can either fight back and reject the priceless lessons He is trying to teach us, or accept and draw near to Him.
Today is the first time I've felt like writing in months - so, maybe this is a sign I am healing? I hope that what I am writing makes sense. I write to answer the many questions my small circle of family and friends have asked me, and in case my scribblings about all this may help someone in similar circumstances.
Please contact me if you would like information about resources. I'd recommend you begin with the book Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar--Your Brain's Silent Killers by David Perlmutter and Kristin Loberg. This book is informative and well documented.
I would love to hear from YOU. And until next time ... will you please enjoy a bowl of ice cream for me (better yet, pray for me)?
Joyfully His,
Sara
"My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:26
Friday, May 30, 2014
Summertime!
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV
Summer is here! It is time for baseball games, picnics, camping trips, gardening, and lemonade stands! I want to let you know this summer I will be taking a break from "In Her Shoes" to focus on important things, like making s'mores. Funny, yes ... but building family memories is actually very important! We are also prioritizing important spiritual growth things around here as well, like studying Proverbs as a family, hosting weekly play-dates with saved and unsaved friends, VBS, Family Camp, and following His lead with God Projects at home and wherever we go.
Lord willing, we will continue "In Her Shoes" in the fall. I hope you have a wonderful "Resting-in-Him" summer! :)
Joyfully His,
Sara
Hebrews 11:6
Friday, May 9, 2014
In Her Shoes - Mom's Day Tributes 2014
"I thank God ... when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you,
which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice,
and I am persuaded is in you also." 2 Timothy 1:3a,5
Y Presenting our 2014 Mother's Day tributes ... Y
I just spent a few days with my Mom and every passing year reminds me of how much more I am thankful for her.
God has been very gracious to our family, and I praise Him that He was merciful to save my mother. I don't remember a lot about my little years, but I do remember her talking with me one night about Jesus. That was the beginning of my spiritual journey. As soon as all of us were old enough to be in school, she started teaching again. I remember many hours of our week were spent at church and school. I am so thankful for her selfless giving which helped allow us to have a good, Christian education. Fatigue often hit in the evenings, and I really didn't have a clue as to why she was always so tired. But now I do!
She faithfully taught by example that I needed to rise early and spend time with Jesus. As I grew older, she taught me many practical skills that prepared me for my future role as a wife: cleaning, organizing, ironing, baking, gardening, cooking. Being well prepared in those areas was a huge advantage when the parenting learning curve began.
I am thankful for her counsel and confrontation. I still remember the day that my parents pulled me aside and pointed out a major sin area that I needed to address. God was very kind to bless me with parents who spoke words of life to me. I am especially thankful for the example of love, submission, and servanthood that she lived out in her marriage.
As the years have passed, God has grown our relationship to a more intimate level. The last few years have given us many opportunities to share what God is teaching us from his Word. I am so thankful for the trials and difficulties that He has chosen for our family to drive us to Him. This has drawn us much closer together as we cry out to our Father in prayer.
Just recently, I finished a Bible study through Hebrews that she shared with me. I am so thankful that we both know and serve the God of hope. Mom, may we ever know and love Him more! May we run with perseverance. Looking ahead to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. Thank you for pouring out your life to serve and bless me! I love you.
- Megan, North Carolina
e
God graciously saved my Mom when she was in her teens. She grew up in an
unsaved, dysfunctional family. She has been through many trials through her life
and come forth as gold. I am privileged to be her daughter.
I have seen her grow
in her walk with the Lord. She has shown tremendous courage in the face of
difficulties that other people might have just run from. I know I didn't always
appreciate her and was a rebel at some points, and I am thankful she always
loved me no matter what. She is constantly serving others, especially her
family.
Through her many trials in life, she has put together a booklet of
Scripture verses and quotes that have helped her. She puts these in a flip photo
album that stands up so you can see one at a time. She has a ministry of giving
these albums to people going through very difficult times. It has blessed so
many people over the years. I love to be able to give them to people I know and
then hear how God used it greatly to comfort them.
Over a year ago, my Mom was
diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. It was during those first few months that
I turned to her booklet of verses for God's comfort. Her testimony through it
all is a blessing and a testimony of God's goodness. Right now she is responding
well to medicine that is keeping her cancer at bay.
Thank you, Mom, for the
strong, godly heritage you pass down to me and future generations!
- Tracie, Minnesota
e
A Tribute to my Grandmother, Grace Braymer Mears
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:3-5 NASB
In reflecting upon my grandmother’s life, a multitude of thoughts come to mind. This passage however, was foremost in my thoughts. Grandma’s life truly reflected the heart of this passage. Her life was one of modesty. She did not have to be the center of attention; she was content in being in the background, quietly serving and meeting the needs of those present. Her words were “seasoned with salt;” I never heard her say an unkind word to or about anyone. She was an able teacher. This is evident in the lives of her children. All of them are upstanding in their character, hard-working in their chosen occupations and ministries, faithful to the work that God had chosen for them. All have served in some measure in the Lord’s service.
She taught her daughters well by example to love their husbands and children, even when it might have seemed like God wasn’t working. She was sensible, pure, and kind. She kept her home in order and diligently worked to preserve the yield from Grandpa’s garden. She was subject to her husband. All of this is lived out in the lives of my aunts, Lucy Hess and Gloria Ruby. She was also a good model of what a godly lady was to be like for her sons, who in turn chose godly young ladies to be their wives.
When I look at the results of Grandma’s life in relation to my own family’s future, I wish that I had more time to spend with her to glean treasure from her words of wisdom. I want my children to grow up as well as hers did. I wish I would have had the insight to ask her those questions when I had the chance. I did not feel the pressing need when she was able to communicate with me. Now that my children are growing, I am really feeling the need for her insight. Even to the end, she was seeking to impart wisdom and godliness. Her last words to me from her hospital bed were “Praying for one another,” showing her heart for others and her dependence upon God.
Grandma was a quiet lady. She loved her husband and family and was content when they were happy. Proverbs 31:30-31 says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.” Grandma, I am so thankful for the godly heritage that you have given me. I treasure it and will strive to pass it on to my children. I love you. God’s Word has been honored in your life. May it be so in mine.
- Sharon, Ohio
f
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
This picture was taken shortly after my oldest son was born in 2006. My Mom and I have so much fun together, no matter where we are. Anyone who knows her knows that she is very sweet and thoughtful, putting others first. I like to think of her as a queen of hospitality. And I've never seen anyone send more cards to express love!
Part of the reason my Mom is so kind is because she has a heart for God and for people. Since God saved her years ago, she has tried to walk closely with God every step of the way. My Mom prays for me (and many others) several times a day. I imagine that her praying heart was shaped by years of waiting on God to become a mother. Over the space of about 15 years, my parents gave birth to three girls, and during that time also lost seven babies. God brought them through many painful moments, and what He taught them is clearly described in her life verse (seen above). She smiles so beautifully from the inside out because she knows God has a wise plan, and He promises to provide every step of the way.
My Mom is my best Girlfriend. I thank God for her every day. And I am especially thankful that someday we will be together with Jesus, able to meet for the first time my brothers and sisters gone before, and my own three sweet babies ... together enjoying and praising God for eternity. I love you, Mom!!
- Sara, Iowa
Please feel free to give tribute to a special woman in your life, below.
Thank you for stopping by!
- Sara
Monday, April 7, 2014
In Her Shoes - College Ministries
This month are privileged to hear testimonies from women who serve God in the area of college ministries ... as well as from two women who have been impacted by college ministries. Thank you to those who have so graciously shared your stories with us!
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Our church was filled with international college students, waiting to hear the gospel and to get free furniture |
God is the Answer
by Dottie Hatfield
I grew up in a church that taught that the way to spend eternity with Jesus was by keeping His commandments. By the time I was 23 I had just about given up on God because I was constantly failing. I decided to join the Peace Corps. Perhaps serving God and man this way would ease the aching in my heart for peace.
I was sent to Chad (in Africa) and there for the first time heard that the Bible teaches heaven is a free gift. This gift comes because all my sin was paid for on the Cross. When Jesus cried, “It is finished” that is what He meant.
I wanted to tell everyone this wonderful good news. I started by writing all my friends in the U.S. even a young lawyer whom I had dated (who later became my husband). He was the only one, at the time, who was interested in this wondrous truth. God wonderfully brought new life to him about a year later and we both wanted to study the Bible and serve God wherever He would place us.
I am sure that every missionary believes that they have the best job in the world. I know I do. My particular field is “the world” in that we are ministering to International Students from around the globe.
We have the opportunity to be their friends and help them navigate this new culture and the loneliness that comes being far from home.
God had prepared my husband and me for this even before we became Christians because we had both served in the Peace Corps (at different times) and knew what it meant to be a stranger in another country.
College students are at a stage in life when they are asking the big questions: what is the purpose of my life, why am I here, where am I going etc. The International student is somewhat different than an American student in the way he/she processes these questions. However, the questions can be stepping stones to finding the God who loves them and has a purpose for their lives.
People ask how we meet students. One answer is that we meet them through other students. We offer English conversation though this is not as important as it once was because their level of English has vastly improved in the last few years. However, there are always some who need help in this area.
We meet them through activities: picnics, our Saturday night meeting where we serve dinner and then have a Bible study. We have them over for dinner and games. You are only limited by your imagination.
In recent years we find that students really want American friends their own age. Our church family and the Bible College “down the road” have been a good resource.
The most important quality you can have for this ministry is a love for young people. Love finds a way to connect. The missionary who led me to Christ while I was in Africa taught me that concept. He learned it from his Savior. I think you need a humble attitude about your own culture too. We can learn from others and should.
What are some of the struggles we face? I learned early that it is important as I stand before God, that I teach the Bible, not traditions, not my culture, and not my preferences.
I think the hardest thing is when you see someone walk away from the truth. However, we serve the God of all comfort. He has blessed us with so much and I am grateful that He will never leave us or forsake us.
"who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken, 'So shall your descendants be.' And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God." Romans 4:18-20 ESV
Circumstances do not give us hope. But the promises of God do! And when we are just trusting them, we are already giving glory to God, which should be enough for us.
I am grateful that the gospel that I heard in Africa is still the “power of God unto salvation.” We have a message that can give hope in any situation. Let’s share it!
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The World Is at Our Door
by Elva Craig
I've been working with Campus Bible Fellowship of Iowa since 1976. This ministry reaches students when they are open to new ideas and learning to think for themselves. Internationals are more than willing to learn about the Bible and Christianity. These students are forming their own beliefs away from home and peer pressure. It is a terrific mission field where the people come from around the world to our doors.
Blessings:
Sharing the Gospel with those who have never heard
Seeing students saved, growing in the Lord and often later becoming active in their churches(some even coming back into CBFI as staff).
Children of former CBF'ers attend CBF and become a big help to the group.
Church people getting involved with the students
Seeing Internationals saved and going back home as "missionaries"
Opportunities to travel around the world visiting former students and their families (this has helped when making new contacts)
Challenges:
Having enough church people (especially men) to help as conversational English partners, to teach Bible studies, or to call on students
Sometimes only having one year to work with the students (as for visiting scholars)
Having an international student get saved and then go back to their home country and not be able to find any church or Bible study group
Some don't know English well enough to understand a Bible study
Some students get too busy and they have no time for a large group or small group Bible study
How You Can Help:
Help teach English
Become a conversational English partner
"Adopt" a student
Invite them into your home
Share holidays
Teach a Bible study
Be willing to give a student a ride to church
Call on new students
Just be a friend
Teach them American customs
Teach them how to go grocery shopping here in America (bring them with you sometime)
Show them the things to see in your area of the country
Invite them to church activities
My life verses are Proverbs 3:5-6:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
And since working with international students, I really like Revelation 5:9. People will be singing praises from all nations. We have a part in that.
"And they sang a new song, saying: 'You are worthy to take the scroll, and to open its seals; for You were slain, and have redeemed us to God by Your blood out of every tribe and tongue and people and nation.'" Revelation 5:9
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Literature Tables + Atheist Club = Blessings!
by Nancy Miller
College campus ministry is one of the greatest mission fields in the world!
We are thankful for the opportunity to reach out to both International and American college students!
One of the reasons campus ministry is so strategic is because college
students, who have learned our language and our culture, come from all over
the world to our college campuses, therefore we are able to share Christ
with students from all over the world, right here in the United States!
Many of these students have never before had opportunity to hear that Jesus loves them so much, that He suffered and died on the cross for their sins
and then rose again, and that if they personally believe in Jesus, then
they can receive the free gift of eternal life! After students come to know Christ personally here in the United States, and after we disciple them,
they return to their home countries where they can share the Gospel with
their families and friends.
Not only do we reach out to International students, but we also reach out
to American students. One of the ways we reach out to American students is
by sitting at our literature table in the student union. Each day at our table, we display a question of the day, such as:
- "Can You Harmonize Evolution and The Bible?"
- "Do We Get Into Heaven By Believing About Jesus
Or In Jesus?" - "How Do We Know God Exists?"
- "Is Jesus the Only Way to
God?" - "Are All Religions Basically the Same?"
Atheists, Agnostics, Pantheists, Pluralists, etc., come up to discuss the question of the day
that we have displayed at our literature table. This gives us great opportunities
to share the Gospel! Also, the atheists who come up to talk to us at our
table invite my husband to come to their Atheist Club so they can ask
him questions and hear what he has to say about various topics. We are
thankful for the many friendships that we've been able to build with
atheists!
We are able to build friendships with students at our Friday night
activities (such as Welcome Back to School Dinners, Fall Festival Parties, Thanksgiving Dinners, Christmas Parties, Valentine Parties, Chinese Culture Nights, Hot Topic Discussion Nights, etc.). We also build friendships by
having students into our home for meals, by taking the students hiking, to museums, to the zoo, and to other fun events.
One of the main goals we have is to get students to the local church!
Therefore, we pick up students for church; I also coordinate the students
to sing together for specials at church, and I accompany the college
students who sing or play their instruments at church. Some of the students
even help with other ministries of the church such as Children's Church,
the High School youth group, and help run the church sound system.
As far as a specific passage of Scripture that I especially treasure in
regard to our college ministry:
We are constantly asking for God's power to
work in lives--for His glory!
Also, because we "reason" with students who come up to talk to us at our
Lit. table to discuss with us our "Question of the Day," I am reminded of
Paul's ministry at Athens in Acts 17:16-34. Verse17 says that Paul reasoned
in the marketplace daily with those who happened to be there. Then, in
verse 34, it says that some joined him and believed.
We are thankful to be a part of reaching out to students on our college campuses, the future leaders of the world!
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CBF and My Local Church
by Lorie Nelson
Campus Bible Fellowship at the University of Iowa had a lot to do with my getting involved in many aspects of ministry. The most direct influence was in music, while the atmosphere and example set in the CBF group members encouraged me to step up and serve in many other areas of ministry.
Nancy Miller, our campus missionary's wife, encouraged me to begin singing in the music ministry. I had always LOVED to sing, but I only really did it in the car or somewhere else where no one was listening.
One day, she set me up with a duet with another student. We sang together at a CBF banquet. While I was terrified, I truly enjoyed it. She then began asking me to participate in more duets, until, finally, she coaxed me into trying a solo. Because of her direct encouragement and putting me to use, I have been a regular part of music (and now getting teenagers out there to sing and play instruments) in the church for more than 20 years now. I think God used Nancy, through CBF, to encourage, train, and equip me for this area that I may never had delved into had I not been involved in CBF.
In general, the overall atmosphere and culture in CBF and among the other college students and young people in our church set a tone for my becoming active in local church ministry. I was a brand new Christian and had never seen people serving in the church.
Just seeing fellow students step up and hold dorm Bible studies, work in various ministries, invite others to church, etc. was an example I learned to follow. To them being involved in CBF and also the local church was not just for the fun of it; it was for ministering to others.
While I was in CBF I began to serve and teach in AWANA and Junior Church in our local church. My husband and I also started a young marrieds Bible Study in our new apartment because of the example put forth in CBF. There were various other ministries we were involved in as a result of the culture set forth in CBF, and we are still actively serving and teaching and hopefully leading by example today.
I was saved the school year prior to my coming to college. As a new Christian who had never attended a Christian church, I believe CBF had a huge impact on my life for years to come, showing me that healthy Christians are actively involved in their local churches and looking for ways to both lead others to Christ and to encourage other believers to serve the Lord.
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Testimony of Salvation and How Great God Is!
by Anonymous
I grew up in a family of four siblings with a Buddhist background. When I was nine, my parents broke the news to us that my dad was having an affair. Family and friends told us that this was due to karma, and that it was because we had done something bad in our previous life. We were told to accept it, and to do more good things in this current life so that we would reincarnate to have a better life.
But I never understood the meaning of going to temple, and why the “gods” I was praying to never answered my prayers – that things around the house never got better, even when I was being a good girl, studying hard, not smoking, not drinking. I didn’t understand the concept of doing good works and being able to reach that state of nirvana.
I left home to study college when I was sixteen, and at that point of my life, I was completely detached from any kinds of religion, and was constantly burdened by calls from home, and stress from school.
Two years later, I came to the states, and was accepted into Iowa State University. A year later, I find myself struggling even more with studies, and struggling to understand what my purpose was being alive. I felt that I was wasting my parent’s money with my poor grades, and that I was worthless.
Friends around me noticed this, and started questioning me about my belief, and shared Romans 6:23 with me,
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (ESV).
This helped me realized my disobedient to God, and went on to learning about Jesus dying for me, so that He may redeem me, and that through His resurrection, I will earn eternal life with God.
Praying to God a week after that, I proclaimed Him to be my Savior, and with the new life He has provided me, I dedicate it to serving Him, which God had answered immediately, by placing me in the LIFE team. I learned to trust God with my life, and that I had a purpose on this world, to become His laborer – to make Him known. In Ephesians 2:10, it says
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them”(ESV).
This verse has helped reminded me to constantly walk with God, and to learn to be more like Christ. I am just so blessed to have such a personal God that would change me day by day, and looks forward to everyday spent with Him.
Have you considered investing in the lives of college students in your church and community? Perhaps you are already involved in a college ministry. Please feel free to post testimonies and questions below! Thank you for visiting Women On God's Mission.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
In Her Shoes - Child of My Heart
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| My friend Amy and her beautiful family |
This month we are privileged to step into the shoes of five sisters in Christ who graciously share their adoption adventure with us. Each God-weaved story is a beautiful example of God's love for each of us. So, sit back, relax, open your heart, and see what God will do through this article in your life.
"But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.” Galatians 4:4-5
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Our Miracle Boys
by Joy Meinders
I have had a newborn three ways: private adoption, giving birth and foster care. With all three, the bond of motherly love I felt was identical. It is definitely natural to love a newborn.
Our first adoption was through a Christian agency. It took us 7 years to complete the process: two years for our home study, another three years to save the funds, then "next on the list" for another two years. During this time, my prayers for a child would increase then decrease. It seemed impossible at times. Also, I felt very guilty for thinking that another mom should hand me her child. Our adoption worker would counsel me that she had made choices that placed her in this situation … that had nothing to do with me.
When we finally received news of a birth mother, we were ecstatic! I could hardly believe my dream of becoming a mom was going to come true. I can't put into words adequately, the joy and grief (for the birth mom) as we watched her put a precious son in our car. It was the regulations of the hospital. Everyone was crying and I kept asking our adoption worker how would she ever be ok. He just kept saying, "By the grace of God." It was an incredible joy to be a mom to my angel baby. He was such a good baby, and is very loving and gentle still.
Three years later, I gave birth to another miracle baby. (I know, they all are!). It was several years later that a friend, on Right-To-Life Sunday challenged us-if you are pro-life, what are you going to do about it. The answer will be different for everyone. I started praying, not knowing that my husband had also. God directed both of us, separately, to pray about becoming foster parents, with adopting a possibility.
While going through our foster parenting classes, a guest speaker came in and told us, "You are the guardian of the bond." I have always loved that saying. If we'd allow the children to bond to us, and they moved on, it would aid in their bonding capabilities in the future. We saw this firsthand with the first baby we fostered. She is completely bonded with her family. By doing this, when they leave, it tears your heart, but God repairs your heart and allows you to continue in His strength, doing what He has for you.
When praying for our next placement (while fostering), we earnestly prayed for children and knew if God placed them with us and there became a time for adoption, that was from God. Well, God placed two little, neglected and traumatized boys in our home. Overnight, our house changed dramatically. Screaming ensued and continued for months. It is very difficult to bond and stay committed to boys with endless screaming!
I would call my husband at work and tell him I couldn't do it. He would pray with me and tell me that we'd talk about it when he got home and if they needed a different family, that was ok. He got home and helped, shared his peace and strength, we'd pray together, etc. and I would think, "Ok, this is from God, we can do this." Then, he'd go to work the next day...repeat! I just had to come to the place where I realized, just because God didn't answer how I thought He should, doesn't mean He didn't answer. He did, and He will give me the strength to continue and stay committed to nurturing and growing the bonds with the boys.
Our two older kids were so encouraging to me. My oldest would say, "Aren't you glad we have the boys? I'm so glad they are here." They were both very helpful also.
On the other side, bonding for the boys to us also continues. I praise God the worker could see that they were so bonded to each other, she didn't separate them. One boy was ignored by adults from 2 weeks old on. One would go with anyone, without fear or realizing he shouldn't. The first time our littlest one cried when we left him (a definite different cry from his others), we were thrilled. He was beginning to bond. When my five year old will look at my eyes, I am thankful for that growth of seeing him bond.
One of the hardest things was that I didn't "feel" the bond like a mom feels with her children. (This led to more tears than I can say.). It also brought feelings in me of not being bonded to my older kids. It was such a stretching time that I felt broken. However, once I decided, with God's help, to be committed to be their mom, the bonds started to grow. They are still growing, and I pray they won't stop. Also, my bonds with my older kids and husband are stronger than ever.
One of the most growing times was when God specifically convicted me of a sin area, brought scripture and I repented, the change in my heart resulted in a deeper bond with my boys. Nothing yet in them changed, but God changed me. This definitely is like our relationship with The Lord. When He gives us a trial or an answer we don't want, we can resist it and become angry or we can decide to trust, follow and grow through it. Our bonds with Him will increase abundantly. That trial will turn into a blessing!!
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
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Adoption in the Midst of Heartbreak
by
Sarah Heywood
God planted the seed of adoption in
my heart as a young girl. I never forgot that, although there would be
many periods in my life where I was convinced that God wasn’t necessarily
behind the desire; it was simply one of those wouldn’t-it-be-nice-if thoughts.
But God kept working at my heart
into adulthood. Despite being married and a busy, homeschooling mom of
four sons (including one with multiple special needs) I never forgot that call
God had placed upon my heart as a girl.
When my youngest son was two, I
began to sense a renewed stirring in my heart towards the idea of adding to our
family through adoption. We really thought our family was complete,
though. In fact, I had suffered a small stroke after the birth of the
last baby and doctors had told us our family had better be complete! The recovery from that stroke took a long
while and I could not believe it when I realized that God was speaking to me
about adoption! Didn’t He realize all I had going on already?
I gave God a long list of reasons
why adoption at this point in my life was a really, really bad idea. God
said nothing, but quietly continued to work on heart. Finally, in
frustration, I told the Lord that if He wanted us to pursue adoption He would
need to give me a clear sign. I would be completely mum on the subject
and my husband would have to approach me about the idea. I knew he was
perfectly happy with our four so I didn’t really anticipate that ever
happening. But if it did, well, then I would have my answer!
Nine months later my husband, Paul,
and I were enjoying a date night. Midway through our meal, he paused,
looked at me, and asked, “So, what do you think about the idea of
adopting?” I guess God had given me my sign!
Still, I was frightened. It
took several months of prayer before I finally came to a complete place of surrender
and willingness to pursue adding to our family. Once I got there, though,
the doors began to fly open.
Paul and I ended up pursuing
adoption through our state’s foster care system. Initially, when thinking
about adoption, foster care was the last
way I wanted to do it because of the many horror stories I had heard over the
years. But yet, once I was completely surrendered to whatever God was
doing in our family, I found I was no longer as worried about which adoption
direction we took. At the same time, though, I knew with an absolute
certainty that we were walking into pain. How I knew that, I can’t say,
but I do remember feeling quite peaceful despite that knowledge. God was
leading and we were following Him, no matter where that would take us.
We took the required classes and
were licensed in January of 2012. Then, came the waiting for THE
call! That finally came five months later. We were ecstatic!
Two little sisters, nearing the end of their time in foster care needed a
forever family. The night before I was to pick them up, I couldn’t sleep
because I was so excited! The next morning we picked up two frightened,
small, little girls and instantly fell in love. Well, maybe not instantly. I wanted to love them right away, but
truthfully, that love took awhile to grow.
We definitely had a period of
adjustment ahead of us! I had a three year old who was mad at the world and
seemed to delight in finding ways to make her new mom explode in anger.
She was absolutely determined that nobody would tell her what she could and
could not do! My eleven-month old was solemn and outwardly compliant, but
it wasn’t until later that her real personality began to emerge and we realized
just how traumatized she had come to us.
Parenting the girls was really hard
at first. I would make slow progress and then we’d have a required visit
with Birth Mom which would inevitably undo some of the work I had done.
It seemed like overnight my work load doubled around the house. Many
times I was cranky with the kids when I should have been rejoicing at how God
had blessed me. But, thankfully, He was working despite my many
failings.
As the months wore on, things really
began to fall into place. My one year old made it clear that I was her mama now. My now-four
year old, began to call me “Mom” and we began to see improvements in her
behavior. Paul loved his little girls and they delighted in having a
daddy. My sons began to treat their new sisters as real siblings, rather
than just some short, visiting strangers. Birth Mom had her rights
terminated and I began to hesitantly call the girls by the new names Paul and I
had picked. To my surprise, they seemed to prefer the new names!
I remember wondering, “Where is the
pain?” Despite bumps here and there, everything really seemed to be
coming together. That pain I was so sure awaited was nowhere to be found.
It would come, but when it did it
would take a form that I had no way of anticipating.
In June 2013 we were eagerly waiting
for an adoption date. While our girls had been the daughters of our heart
for some time, it was exciting to anticipate the day that they would also be
legally ours. On the night of June 5th, Paul went to sleep and
a half hour later woke up in the arms of Jesus. He was dead at the age of
forty-two after suffering a seizure in sleep.
It’s only been nine months since
that night. The grief is still pretty raw at times. I know that
someday I’ll probably have a lot I can say about single parenthood. Right
now, I am simply breathing in and out as I walk through each day. I am so
grateful for the loving care of my Heavenly Father who has carried me through
this heartbreak.
Despite Paul’s death, the state
allowed me to keep the girls. I was so incredibly thankful that God
allowed us to stay together! Three months later it was a bittersweet day,
as my six children and I met in a court room and listened as a judge declared
that Elizabeth and Eleanor were now my legal daughters. I am quite
confident that God rolled back the floor of Heaven that morning and Paul was
able to witness the fruition of the dream He had planted in both our hearts!
Raising my children alone is a task
for which I feel very ill-equipped. But I have every confidence that God
will walk me through, as He has in every other challenging circumstance in my
life.
I had to take the stand the morning
of the adoption. One of the lawyers for the state asked me why I felt I
should be allowed to adopt these little girls. I wasn’t expecting that
question. I thought for a moment and then leaned forward and spoke into
the microphone: I said, “These girls may
have been born to a different woman, but they were created to be MY children.”
And that is the truth. Today,
I marvel at God’s persistency in directing Paul and I to pursue adoption when
we thought our arms were already full. God knew what awaited and in His goodness He longed to provide me with
the comfort that would come in the form of two, small little girls.
"Being
confident of this, that He Who has begun a good work in you will complete it
until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
How God Opened My Heart and Home
by
Diann Pearson
Our story of adoption is a little
different. Most seek to adopt a baby or child and want to know if it is God’s
plan. In our situation God wanted us to adopt a certain little boy and
wanted to know if we were willing to submit to His plan.
It all started while I was working
one day a month at a care center. A lady I worked with asked me if I could
babysit her little boy. Without a prayer, I said, “ No, I am way too busy with
my husband gone a lot trucking, taking care of the home, homeschooling our four
children and being active in my church.”
She came and ask a second time that
night. When she walked away I prayed, Lord if you want me to do this have her
come one more time which she did. That’s when Jake first entered our lives.
I babysat him and had him often in
the beginning. He enjoyed coming to church with us on Sundays and
Wednesdays . We would pick him up even when we weren’t babysitting him. As he
got older we didn’t see him as much, due to other things he was involved in.
Then we heard that Jake’s mother had died and Jake was in foster care.
We had concerns about his birth
family adopting him. And before, Jake’s
mother had said if anything ever happened to her, she wanted us to take Jake.
We talked with Deptartment of Human Services to express our interest in
adopting Jake. They were glad we showed interest but told us that his uncle and
wife were interested (and would be considered first), along with the birth
father and his grandmother.
Even though we were fourth in line
to be considered, we felt compelled to take steps toward adoption. We took foster
care classes which included: providing a profile with a snap shot of each
family member, home inspection, pictures of where his room would be, have our
water tested, animals vaccinated, etc. The Lord went before, causing us to take
the 40 hours of class in Cedar Rapids instead of waiting until spring to do it
in Iowa City (which down the road allowed us to have him in our home as foster
parents, because we were certified).
He was stable in our home for a year,
which looked good to the courts. During that time his father released his
rights and the court declared us to be a more suitable home than with the
grandmother, which was Jake’s desire also.
We were thankful that Jake was
younger than our children, due to older siblings teaching the younger. We felt
it was important that our children all agreed with the plan of adoption before
proceeding. We didn’t want them later on to say, “We never wanted to do this.”
I wanted them to understand that he would receive all the same rights and
privileges as they received. Even the inheritance, if there is any. It is
wonderful having God go before us.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6
Whose Need Are You Fulfilling?
by
Mary Kamberger
Let me first introduce
myself as an adoptive mother to seven of my nine children. Our eldest was
domestically adopted in 1986. We then received two biological children in 1992
and 1994. The other six children came to us through China as waiting/special
needs children between September 2004 and December 2009.
We enfolded six children
into our family in just over five years, and all were in some way, physically
challenged as was listed on their paperwork. They, however, also came with
various emotional and mental challenges that were not listed on any piece of
paper. Although I am an RN by trade, I am a stay at home mom by choice who home
schools all the children. Our children from China came home at the ages of 14
months to 14 years, and they are now 10 to 18 years.
The adoption of a child
into any human family can be seen as a comparison of our adoption into God’s
family in many ways, but the points I would like to stress here are only a few.
First of all, consider where the NEED lies. God does not adopt us because He
NEEDS us. Likewise, we adoptive parents should not step into adoption because
we NEED the child to complete us, our family, or our own personal need to love
and nurture.
I would say that most,
if not all, adoptive parents have an overabundance of love and ability to
nurture, or they wouldn’t be stepping into an adoption. And many see that over
time, this adopted child does, in some way, complete them and their family. BUT,
to walk into an adoption with this in mind is to miss the true need.
The only NEED that
should take center stage is the need of the child. Just like within our
relationship to God the only thing we bring to the table is our NEED. God
supplies all the rest: grace, mercy, healing, love, forgiveness. That is our
position in adoption, too. We, as the parents, are to supply all that is needed
within the heart and life of that child…and be prepared to receive nothing in
return.
When the child rejects
us, pushes us away, screams that we are NOT their “real” mother or father, hits,
punches, is totally cold to any emotional overtures we offer, is not on track
for their age – academically, emotionally, physically – when they act out in
inappropriate ways, hurt our other children or animals, deliberately do their
best to hurt us emotionally, physically and mentally, WE…like God…should be
ready to absorb it, deal with it, and CHOOSE to LOVE in the midst of it. Let me
state that point again: we must CHOOSE (regardless of wanting to or
feeling like it) – to choose to continue to love that child in the midst of
their utter defiance and unacceptance of us.
Didn’t God do this, and
continue to do this, for us? Adoption is not warm and fuzzy. Adoption is not
for the faint hearted. Our spiritual adoption into God’s family came at a VERY
high price – Christ’s very blood pouring out His life for us on the cross.
If you are considering
the adoption of a child, be fully prepared to pour out your very life for that
child. The cost of adoption is high - monetarily high at the very beginning and
emotionally, physically, and mentally high for the rest of your days. The very
fabric of your family will be changed each time you bring another child in.
There is no staying the same, and nothing that promises next year will be any
better.
{Now aren’t you simply just ready to JUMP into adoption?!}
Bringing the child home
is only the beginning of a very long road to health and learning to live as
family. Just like when you are welcomed into God’s family, you are not fully
sanctified as His child. We are positionally secure in the love of God but have
a long way to grow into our completed sanctification. Each child SHOULD be
positionally secure in the assurance of their place within your family, even
though they (and you) have a long way to grow as parent and child.
Unconditional love is a high price and of absolute necessity within the act of
adoption.
Biological children are
wonderful, but let’s be honest – not everyone actually chooses to become
pregnant and birth a child. "Whoops! children" are born…and too often simply
aborted…every day. Adoption, however, is a conscious, paper-filled,
emotionally arduous act of choosing to love another no matter what….no matter
their skin color, their health, their future academic potential, their unknown
emotional or mental baggage, their inability to love us in return.
Please be ever so wise,
with eyes and hands wide open, with no personal agenda in tow IF you so CHOOSE
to meet the NEED of a child that is fatherless. Your reward will be great and
the Father of all will be there to guide and uphold you every step of the way.
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due
season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9
"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is
this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." James 1:27
f
Adoption: A Picture of God’s Love
Anonymous
My hubby and I adopted a little boy.
I'm not going to bore you with the details of the actual adoption (though I am
enamored with our miracle and the unique way God delivered him to us). I am
normally fairly open about certain details.
But, I hold back that which is too near to me or hurts too much to think
or talk about. However, I'd like to be
able to be honest and candid about a few things - so I'd like to remain
anonymous. And what better way to do
that than guest writing for the blog of a friend. So here goes.
A
few things to remember about adoption:
1. It is Biblical.
It is a beautiful
picture of our relationship with God through Christ. The more I study the Bible,
the more I am convinced that God gave us what He did here on earth, in the
color and diversity that He did, so we would have better capacity to understand
what He wanted us to know from Scripture. We can't fully understand our
relationship with our Heavenly Father if we look only at biological
relationships. Do you know someone who has been involved in an adoption? There are, no doubt, countless ways God, in
His love and sovereignty, wants you to learn from that situation. I am positive
that one of them is so you can better imagine how it looks when God adopts us
into His family. What a blessed thing. God is so creative and so good to us.
2.
It is Sensitive.
Chances are, if the people you know aren't
volunteering information, they'd probably rather not share. Their silence may
be an oversight, but it probably isn't. Especially if the events are current or
very recent (which means it's on their minds often and they're not talking
about it on purpose). If you want to love them, don't ask for "the
story." Ask them how you can pray for them – sure – of course they need
support and they would likely really appreciate it coming from you.
Remember though, we all come into
contact with many people – many good, loving, God-honoring people – but that
doesn't mean every secret is meant for every relationship. Don't take it
personally if someone's best-guarded secrets aren't meant for you. Give them
some space and love them in the most obvious way you can. Always be kind and
pray. Sometimes you may get to do more. But don't push it.
I, personally, am much more apt to
share "the story" with someone who has had ample opportunity to ask
for it and never has asked. And then it's only if the time and my emotions are
right. Maybe I'm atypical here, but I'm guessing not. [There are probably
points in this one that would work for far more situations than just that of adoption.]
3. It Hurts.
Oh. So. Much. I will venture a fairly firm guess that no
adoption ever happens without a fair amount of pain somewhere along the way -
for at least one, if not both, of the parties (the adopt-er/ the adopt-ee). And
normally it's both. The child who is to be adopted had a situation. Sometimes
it's fairly neutral, sometimes it's downright ugly. Normally it's somewhere in
between. Lots of times there will be hurts that will have to be dealt with. A
little person with more pain than his years should allow. And even if the child
doesn't remember specifics, one day he will very likely wonder. Or he might
deal with tendencies and emotions that confuse him. He can't quite put his
finger on why he feels xyz but he
does.
And then there are the adoptive
parents. Sometimes adoptive parents adopt because it's their "first
choice." For whatever reason God gave them a desire to adopt and they
followed it. No infertility, no miscarriage(s), no opportunity to watch a child
suffer in need. That happens sometimes, of course. On a first child, on a last
child, anywhere in the middle. I know of families like these. These families
still have challenges but much of the hurt comes from the adopted child and his
history and family growing pains – not necessarily a primary loss for the
parents too.
But, for many families adoption was
considered when something didn't go "right." I AM NOT saying that
adoption is second rate. We who trust in the absolute sovereignty of God know
that what might not be our first plan for ourselves is still God's best for us.
The little boy I'm raising – the one who calls me "mommy," and needs
me more than he does anyone else – is God's best for me. I see it when I look
at him and I remind myself often. I love him like I'd love someone I made (I
think. I hope.).
But, don't for a minute think that
my knowing these things erases all traces of anger, frustration, doubt and
insecurity in my mind. I lost his beginning. I didn't get to make him. When I
go to stuff with him, don't think I don't notice that I'm the only mommy who
bears no resemblance to her child. I am not an Angelina Jolie wannabe. I can't
make a baby.
When my girlfriends talk about
morning sickness and episiotomies and mastitis, all things any right-minded
woman would love to scrape by without, well, I missed those things and I don't
feel lucky. I'm not part of the club and likely never will be. I love my son,
but sometimes when I look at him something screams inside me "He's not
even yours!" I chase that out of my head as soon as I can, but I know it.
It's there, and to a degree it's real.
Add to that the shame of even having
those thoughts (when you say you trust God and you say you love your son). It's
complicated. It hurts. It isn't easy. Maybe it'll get easier with time. I guess
we'll see. We may be smiling (as we should! And we want to!) but we struggle.
Each struggle is unique but it's there.
4.
It is Amazing.
It's positively beautiful. Without it I wouldn't
have my son or the possibility of other future children. Without it my family
would be missing a member who I truly believe God designed for our family –
even if He didn't let me (us) make him. Without it I wouldn't be Mama, and
that's the only thing I've ever really wanted to be. The benefits well outweigh
the costs. This point deserves much more attention, but I've already talked a
lot…
As you encounter those who are
directly affected by adoption …
· Be sensitive.
· Love them selflessly.
· Pray for them - specifically that
God will use this most-sanctifying life event to make everyone involved into
more of an image of Christ.
· Look for ways you can speak truth in
love, if you see a Biblical issue that needs addressing and prayerfully feel
burdened to do so. Think about what you are saying to them about this sensitive
issue. Sometimes people say things so flippantly and with no intention to harm
and those are the comments that linger the longest and cut the deepest.
We (as "adoption people")
need to develop an measure of "thick skin" because everyone's soft
spots are a little different so we need to be careful not to be over sensitive,
but you (who interact with us and may not always understand) need to be careful
with your words. May we all look for ways to magnify God and His attributes as
we consider this amazing gift that touches us all in some way.
A few verses that encourage me
regularly and how specifically they can relate to my adoption journey:
"My
grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9
My body can't give me a child, but God in
His grace and strength found a way to give me what and who He wanted me to
have.
“He
who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
Philippians 1:6
I know, without a doubt, that all of the
events surrounding my need/desire to adopt, the process itself, and the
heartache along the way are one of God's biggest sanctifying measures in my
life until now.
“Be
still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
When the emotions are overwhelming,
slowing down and focusing on God's character is something that has given me
great peace and the courage to press on when I wanted to quit (and I did
consider quitting…a lot).
“Now
to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or
imagine…” Ephesians 3:20
This
is my son. God created this little person so perfectly for our family – it
literally blows my mind. He couldn't have been more perfect for us if we could
have given him our DNA. He is more than I ever could have asked or imagined.
Thank you, Lord, r the gift of Your Son and the gift of mine.
- Orphan Justice: How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting by Carr and Captari
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