A Laundromat and Fried Chicken

Today my boys and I ventured out to a laundromat.  During my single teaching days I frequented them, but now that I am blessed to have my own washer and dryer, it was only the icky bulky sleeping bag that drove me there.  Caleb threw up on it about a year ago.  Why rush?



So like I said, we finally made it to the laundromat to cleanse our back-up bed.  And, having never been to one before, my boys were fascinated.  All sorts of machines twirling, swirling, and rumbling. Some customers were staring into space (maybe hypnotized by their own clothing), others were playing games, watching TV, or loading machines.  I was aghast that one load cost $5.00 (of course it was the monster machine able to chew 50 lbs. at once).  After putting my $5 bill into the coin converter, and hearing a clang comparable to a jackpot in Vegas, we stuffed the giant bag and inserted the battalion of quarters.  The machine kindly informed us it would be finished in twenty-five minutes.  Ill prepared and hungry, we wandered next door to KFC.



I hadn't been to a KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) for years.  Usually the only time I taste their delicious chicken is at church potlucks, when people are kind enough to swing by the fast-food joint on the way to the park to pick up an easy dish to share.



As soon as we walked in the door I was pelted by the wondrous smell of fried chicken combined with the not-so-lovely grease fog.  The entrance was so dirty, I felt I should ask to see their cleanliness certification report.  But, I didn't ask, because a long line was gathering behind me.  I stumbled through an order and paid the lady.  Once we got our food tray, we were relieved to find the eating area much cleaner, and settled into our meal.



Josh said, "Mommy, this is a treat!"  And Caleb oohed and ahhed at the biscuit like it was manna.  On the wall were pictures of our town during a flood four years ago.  A history buff, I'm always impressed by such relics of hometown memorabilia.  We relished each bite, said "Have a good day" to a sweet older lady next to us, and made our way back to Happy Suds. I was impressed that we arrived just three minutes before our job was to be done.  We carried the damp, clean sleeping bag to the van, laying it out to dry in the sun as soon as we got home.



My boys and I had a great time at the laundromat and KFC.  I am so thankful for these moments of working together, discovery, and making memories.



God enjoys spending moments with us, too.  He loves taking care of us, showing us new things, taking us to new places, teaching us how to do things we've never done before, treating us to "fried chicken," and providing a means to clean our worldly goods. Thank You, Abba, for showing me Your love in so many unique ways!  Every day with You is an adventure. :)

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11

In Her Shoes - Single Women

Singleness.  We've all been there at some point. Some of you live the single life right now - for others of us, the memory of life alone begins to dim. 



How delightful it is when sisters in Christ interact with humble kindness.  Awareness of age, marital status, and stage of life should not cause women be labeled, and we must not allow ourselves to constantly cluster in categories: the married women are over here, the single women are over there.  As the unique struggles of single and married life come up, we can listen to each other, laugh, cry, and pray together as we point each other to Jesus.  First and foremost, we are sisters in Christ.



Married at age thirty, I remember being on my own. But, recently I recognized that my memories are getting foggy. So, I asked some godly single women what they would like their married sisters, including me, to know about them. I am so grateful for the four who responded.  Obviously, the following testimonies are the personal perspectives of these individual women. Yet, much of what they experience is familiar to many single women.  As you read, have in mind single women you know, contemplating how you can use these testimonies as springboards for discussion in getting to know them better.  Each woman is beautifully and uniquely designed by our loving Father God.



Without further ado, it is my delight to introduce these lovely women of God!  They are their 30s or 40s; two are in full-time Christian service, and two are in secular professions.  Each wants to honor God in her life and in her relationships.  Their objective is not to promote comparison between married and single women.  They want to nuture unity with their sisters in Christ.

What would you like married women to

know about you?

Single Sister #1 - Iowa

"What I want married women to know about me:

1) Church service: I do want to serve, but please don’t treat me like a workhorse, always expecting me to serve anytime there’s a need. Just because I’m single and have no kids, doesn’t mean that I have oodles of free time or that I don’t have other commitments.  Three years ago, I got a personal and painful reminder that I need to be better about saying the word "no." I had just come off of a summer of constantly serving in various areas, and God showed me that I needed to slow down. 

2) Please don’t assume that my job is the only thing going on in my life. I may not be married or have kids, but I do lead a full and active life. I don’t mind when people ask me how work is going, but sometimes I feel like that’s ALL they ask me about. There are times when work has been trying for me that day or week, and I really don’t feel like talking about it. But sometimes I have trouble diverting the conversation in another direction because I feel like 'well, at least they’re talking to me. I’ll take that over nothing.' I have hopes, dreams, goals, hobbies, musical interests, etc. Please don’t be afraid to ask about my life.

3) Likewise, I want to hear about your life too. I love hearing about others’ kids and families, but I also want to get to know more about you. I think there is much we can learn from each other.



4) I do appreciate it when people ask me how they can pray for me or what I’ve been learning from God and His Word.



5) I am endeavoring to take to heart Proverbs 31:10-31, particularly verse 12 right now.

See Proverbs 31:12

6) I aspire to keep growing closer to and loving my Lord more and more every day."



Single Sister #2 - Pennsylvania

"Some have already mentioned my thoughts, but I’ll reiterate them. Our church has a once-a-month ladies’ Bible study and fellowship. There are some ladies that I work with who attend that I could sit with there, but I’d like to get know some other people. I’ve given up and have quit going because none of the married women will include me in their conversations. Sometimes they don’t so much as look at me. I would like married women to know that I don’t have the plague and I do have a life even though I’m not married. I want them to know that I do want to be their friend and hear about their families though other topics of conversation and interest in my life would be appreciated as well.

My parents married late, so they can very much relate to the problem we face in Christianity. “Oh, she’s single. She can do it.” Within three months of being saved my dad was made Sunday school superintendent because he was single. Mom was so stressed out with all of her responsibilities at church that the married women wouldn’t do that she actually postponed their wedding. Single people have to work full time, do all of the grocery shopping, house and lawn chores, pay all of the bills and make all of the decisions by themselves. There really isn’t that much free time.

                                                                           

One thing that has bugged me for many years is to hear married women complain about their husbands. I understand that some women have legitimate reasons to complain about their husbands, but that doesn’t give them a right to do so. Complaining is not honoring. Often the complaints are so petty such as how much laundry and ironing he creates. I would be so happy to have a husband to iron for, and I hate ironing! I vowed years ago that if God ever gave me a husband, I would thank God for him every time I did his laundry, and I practice that when doing my dad’s laundry."

Single Sister #3 - Wisconsin
"To include everyone, not just married people. I have a lot of friends who include my daughter and I in everything, but then you meet people who act like they're superior because they're married. And then I hear women who are so upset because their husband doesn't do every little thing for them. I hear women who have said they're mad at God because they can't have any more children and they already have 3 or 4 kids. Sigh............I try to be compassionate toward them and understand and just love them but the reality of it is that in my heart, I'm thinking that they need to be thankful for the husband and kids that they already have. Some of us would love to trade places with them in an instant.

I agree that many are busy serving their families, but I have a friend who is a mother of 5 girls, she serves her family and husband very well, yet has always had time for my daughter and I in NUMEROUS ways. Having dinner at their house, parties at their house, game night, etc. I think that no matter where you are in life, it comes back to looking past yourself and loving people. As a single mom who runs 2 businesses, the norm for me has been to be up at 7am, to work by 8:30, back home around 8pm, and to bed around 1am. I had time to run both businesses, spend time with my daughter, keep up the house, have play dates with her friends, cook meals for people who just had babies or surgeries, watch people's kids if they had a Dr's appt, etc. and coordinate an entire music program (everything from practice, coordinating the calendar, teaching people how to sing, putting together cantatas, you name it.)

I'm enjoying the break I'm having right now from that busy life (just moved), but still looking for ways to serve people in this community. I've been buying school uniforms for kids at school who can't afford them, and I'm planning to organize buying coats for them too. I always try to remind myself that everyone is at a different place spiritually, and even when God tells someone to do something, they might not actually do it. I have to leave it up to God to bring people to the point of looking at other people's needs and doing something about it.


The only other thing I would add is just being sensitive, especially when you're talking to an older person who's single. I've had people ask me 'Why aren't you married?'  and while I really think they mean it as a compliment, it makes you feel like in some way you've failed because you're not married. As if it's a social class or something. Other times, people have told me that I 'just need to get married,' as if that will solve all of life's issues and as if there's some big line of guys that I have to choose from. Getting married just to get married never made anyone happy or solved any problems.

Understanding that God's plan for some people is to be married, and God's plan for other people is to be single and supporting each other in living out that plan is important."

Single Sister #4 - Ohio

"That's a very sensitive question to ask. Because of health problems, I've shared with people at church about how much stress has compromised my health. Two older married ladies have commented that I shouldn't have any stress because I'm not married with children. I wanted to scream! But they had no personal reference point to understand the deprivations of walking through life alone, working full-time, and, in my case, having no family nearby or any Christian relatives at all.

I also wish married women would be sensitive to singles when they're in a group setting. Many married women talk a lot about their families, and that's like a knife in my heart, since I am past the age where I could have my own kids.

I appreciate your asking the question. There are a lot of radio programs, Bible studies or whatever that deal with the issues a person faces when married. Because of that, singles have a fairly good grasp of their struggles, but it's not common to have information about singles, or if there is, it's usually about dating, not about just plain living.

In my church, most married women work outside the home. In many cases, it's because their husband makes them do it, because they feel they need to. But even if not, most of these are people who live pretty comfortable lives in large homes. This week I've been praying about getting involved with youth at church again. Two years ago I had to step away from all such ministries because of health issues, and I'm so hungry to offer up that nurturing side of me as a woman. But I think I'm going to have to turn down this opportunity, because my job is just too draining (I literally do the work of 3 people). I have longed and prayed that God would somehow remove the burden of having to support myself so I could be more involved in more ministries and volunteering to be a testimony for Christ in my community.

When I see married women either forced to work or choosing to work, it's such a sadness to me. My church has suffered because so few women are available anymore for ministries. I would challenge women who have the freedom to not work to pour their energies into this very eternal investment. You are very much needed and valued in these roles.

As a final note: I want married women to know that I feel for them with the issues they face too, because raising kids can be very trying. Whether single or married, it's good to respect each other's differences and know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. I think a forum like this, though, can help us better understand and support each other as members of the whole family of God. I always bear in mind that in heaven there will be no marriage, so if we can focus on people as people here, we'll be set for heaven!"

. . . . .

Thank you ladies!  What about you?  Do you have something you'd like to share?  We'd love to hear from you!  Please feel free to leave a comment below.  We are exceedingly blessed to be on God's mission together!

"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them . . . Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality . . . Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another."

- Excerpts from Romans 12

Ten "Going Crazy" Tips

"Call the Funny Farm!"  Not if, but when is the last time you were in a position of confusion, exhaustion, discouragement and/or grief, and you felt someone must quickly provide emergency intervention?  If you're like me, it was as recent as yesterday or this morning. Stressful moments, from mildly irritating to incredibly difficult, come to all of us!  They can sneak up as a complete surprise.  They can also be predictable.  Can you relate to some of these?

• Full schedule


• Homeschooling (especially on wet or cold days after we've been inside for too long!)


• Times of transition


• Weddings


• Holidays


• Illness or injury


• Hormones


• New member in the family


• A time of loss


• Financial strain


• Job tension


• When disappointed by people or circumstances


• When we sin against or disappoint people 


• When we receive bad news


• Reorganization at work or church


• During a move/remodel


• Etc!

How do you deal with your craziness? It really is a good thing that our lives aren't completely trouble free.  If they were, where would our need be for God?  You've probably heard these before, but I'm praying that God will use something here to encourage you, dear Sister!  Here are a few of my favorite "Crazy" tips:



1.  Rest



As soon as possible do whatever it takes to get much needed rest.  My two boys, six and four, are pretty much beyond naps.  Yet, we still have a 1 1/2 hour reading/quiet time in the middle of the day.  It is helpful for everyone.  My six-year-old actually looks forward to it!  If you are anything like me, everything seems much worse when I am overly tired.  And my exhaustion can be a sign that my priorities are out of kilter.  My doing too much can be attibuted to my own pride. 



Whenever necessary (not more than once per day :)), get your kids occupied with a good video and go to your room, close the door, put on your MP3 player or a good set of earplugs, lay flat on the floor and stretch your arms above your head while breathing in and out slowly.  Here is one of my helpers:

Answers In Genesis Videos for Children

"It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep." Psalm 127:2

2.  Eat



It really can be as simple as taking time to nourish ourselves.  My tendency is to crave chocolate and potato chips, but these usually make me feel worse.  At the risk of sounding like your mother, eat well and drink lots of water.  Grill some chicken, make a salad, grab an apple.  Go through a drive-thru and buy a salad if you can afford it.  Indulge in the food you are craving, if you must.  But, don't go overboard, and don't resort to splurging as a daily escape from reality.  Popcorn is a calming snack, as is a banana.  I love it that when Elijah was tired, afraid, and discouraged God did not berate him and condemn him.  God isn't condemning us: let us not condemn ourselves.  Enjoy some of God's good gifts - eat!

"Then the word of the Lord came to him, saying, 'Get away from here and turn eastward, and hide by the Brook Cherith, which flows into the Jordan.  And it will be that you shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.'" I Kings 17:2-4

3.  Remember you are in a spiritual battle.



Too easily I forget that I am a soldier in a spiritual war.  I'm sure that my forgetfulness, and the ensuing consequences, makes Satan very happy.  We should expect daily battles!  You think your temptations regarding food isn't part of your spiritual battle?  What was Eve's first spiritual battle about?  Yet, what we are really fighting against is far more gigantic than people, circumstances or food:

^"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age" Ephesians 6:12

Would we go to the hottest site in Afghanistan unarmed?  No way.  Give me the largest tank and a wide selection of the most accute bombs available.  So then, how can we expect to face spiritual battles unarmed?  There is no option here.  We must eat, we must breath, we must be in God's Word!  Especially during days of pressure, weakness, doubt, and possible depression, begin the day by putting on the armor of God, by reading and praying through Ephesians 6:10-20 (you can read it by clicking on the link below):

Let God Help You Put On His Armor

And, remember, we are on the winning side.

"You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." I John 4:4

We must take time to read God's love letter to us and . . .



4.  Pray



We cannot begin to estimate the power of talking to God.  Pour out your heart to Him!  If writing is your thing, grab a pen and paper or a computer and write your prayers to God.  It will help you to get it out of your system and leave it with the One Who has the power to work 24/7 for your good and His glory.  If you write it down it will also help you gain perspective on your problems.  How precious that our almighty God took on flesh and came to this wicked world.  He cried our tears, sharing our sorrows:

"We do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:15,16

5.  Talk to a godly friend. Ask for help! 



One of the highlights of Sunday is talking briefly with a friend at church about how we can pray for one another throughout the coming week.  And I can't remember the number of times I have sent emergency emails or Facebook messages to ask sisters to pray for me.  It is an immediate relief to be reminded that we are not alone.  Don't worry that you will be bothering someone (unless this is the 5th time you've called them today!). 



I do want to stress GODLY friend.  Not perfect (there aint any!), but growing.  Who is a godly friend?  One who is going to love you, show you grace, not judge you . . . but, also someone who is going to tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear.  Call the friend who listens, cares, and points you to Jesus.



We recently heard Todd Wilson, of FamilyMan Ministries, speak to our local homeschool parents group.  He spoke of a woman who called his wife and asked if she could come over to talk to her.  They started with small talk, but soon the conversation got deeper.  The visiting woman, one of whom Todd said we would all look at as the ultimate godly woman, quoting Scripture and giving glory to God, shared a personal hurt with Todd's wife.  She told of a time two years before when she had been studying her Bible and her little girl kept interrupting and trying to get Mama's attention.  The woman grabbed her little girls wrist too hard and broke it.  Since then the mother had been in agony.  As she shared her burden with this godly friend, she was able to breath and move on.  Todd's wife didn't condemn her, but instead told her things like, "Oh, I am so sorry!  Any one of us could've done the same thing!  I know you didn't mean to do it." (Todd even humorously admitted wanting to share some personal experience/not-so-good advice, "I understand . . . I've often felt like I wanted to break every bone in my child's body!")  Finally, this Christian sister was able to move on with her life.  Sometimes we just need to confess our mistakes or sins to a godly friend.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." James 5:16

6.  Forget the past and move on. 



If your stress has to do with your past (twenty years ago or yesterday), God wants you to forget it and move one.  If you need to apologize, write the letter, make the visit, or pick up the phone.  Even if people are hesitant to forgive.  God is always ready to forgive us!



If you have been sinned against and are constantly plagued by bad memories, practice giving these burdens to God - the more you do it the easier it will get to give them over to Him and not grab them back.  If you are obsessing, ask God to change your mind and literally get up and move into a different room and do a different activity.  A Christian counselor recommended this when I was obsessing about death after a close call, and it really helped me.  It is so refreshing when we can look forward to the future, entrusting our past and our future to God's excellent care!

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

7.  Plan something to look forward to. 



We women have the privilege of serving the people in our lives: cooking, cleaning, driving people to appointments, cards, listening, etc.  But we get worn out and need to be recharged.  Get out your calendar and look for the first free space - plan a date with your husband or a friend.  If other people are too busy, plan a date for yourself - go out and get a coffee or ice cream, read a favorite book, sit by a beautiful lake and soak in God's beauty.  And do it without feeling guilty!  God gives good gifts to His children!  He gave Jesus so that we can live more abundantly.

"And He said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.  So they departed to a deserted place in the boat by themselves." Mark 6:31-32

8.  Claim your blessings. 



Reminiscent of Ann Voskamp's wonderful book One Thousand Gifts, simply sit down and start writing down all the things you have to be thankful for.  Your list of "bad things" is much smaller than the "good things" . . . and you've probably realized why I set apart "good" and "bad" to remind us that our point of view is terribly limited.  What may seem bad to us may be what God is going to use to do amazingly good things in our lives.



Ask God to help you be thankful for where you are right now, including all the yucky stuff.  He can and will give strength to help us be genuinely thankful for trials. All we need to do is ask and wait on Him.  God highly treasures our sacrifice of praise.

"Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name." Hebrews 13:15

9.  Cry and Breathe



Just a couple days ago I let it all out in my room, boo-hooing and doing some much needed grieving.  I felt so much better afterward. Crying purges!  It rids our bodies of toxins. Crying is part of what God has given to help us release some of the pent-up emotional pressure.  These verses are probably familiar to you, so I want to share them in a translation other than the NKJV to give another perspective.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

If you are not a cryer, take a brisk walk, work out, release that stress somehow (and I don't mean hurling a pan over your husband's head!).  And as our sweet more mature friends gently remind us, "This too shall pass." 

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

10.  Pick One



Think of five people you know who are going through a trial right now (not including yourself).  Plan how you, or you along with your family, can do something simple and special for him or her. 



If you have a neighbor who just broke her arm, offer to rake her leaves.  If you have a friend who just went through surgery, take a meal or a happy balloon over with a favorite coffee.  Fresh flowers can be an extravagant gift making people feel loved, but most women I know prefer plants that aren't going to die (unless they have thumbs not even close to the color of green and are thankful that after a short while their flowers die naturally :) ).



I have a friend who has been suffering with depression. Just a phone call meant the world to him and helped him to be brave enough to seek the help he needed.  I praise God that He used little ol' me to help a brother in need, and at the same time get my mind off my own troubles.

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith." Galatians 6:10

I hope something in this list will help you during this crazy time of life!  The best thing to remember as women on God's mission, we are not alone, and God is lovingly continuing the good work He started in us.

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'" Isaiah 41:10

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;"  Philippians 1:6

Autumn Reflections

Last Sunday afternoon we drove to a nearby park to take in the autumn splendor. One son was at a birthday party, so we took the opportunity to enjoy an adventure with our four-year-old. In the middle of the park is a twenty-seven acre lake. It beckoned and we followed.



This lake is unique because of the seven bridges, some over 100 years old, which were transplanted from various locations around our state. 



One bridge stood out to me. I was surprised to discover that the bridge's original purpose was to be the support structure for the top of a building.   Because it didn't meet specifications, the builders threw it away. Later on it was discovered by someone with a vision for what it could be. If this bridge had a brain, it never would have imagined ending up here. God knew that this bridge wasn't a mistake! He allowed a man to find and place it in this majestic setting.



As we approached the bridge and followed it from beginning to end, we were impressed by it's rustic beauty. We were very grateful for the bridge's help as it made it possible for us to walk all the way around the lake. Yet, the focus of our attention and praise was not the bridge. We were captivated by the incredible beauty of God's creation all around us.

The bridge originally destined for the top of a building

These bridges remind me of how God works in my life.   My dreams sometimes clash with reality. God created me for different roles in life, and sometimes He uproots me to a different location. I cry, "But, I thought you wanted me to be here, to do this!"   He lovingly carries me, reassembling me in my new place of service. And miraculously, to me, I fit into His plan.

And my imperfect past was not a mistake.  God used people, places, and Himself to make me who He wants me to be.  He can use me wherever He places me.  And I will not be here alone - He promises to stay with me all the time.  Like the bridge, my purpose is not to captivate people, bringing attention to myself.  I am part of what helps make it possible for people to see God.

This autumn has been one of the prettiest in recent years. The colors feed my spirit. The crisp breeze, warmed by the Indian Summer sun, nourishes my soul. In the midst of this beauty my weary heart cannot help but smile. At times I feel insecure during life's constant state of transition.  This is what keeps me depending on God instead of myself.  As I take my hurts and disappointments to my Savior, He promises to comfort and bless.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

Are you grieving a life that is different than what you had hoped it would be? Are you confused about what God is doing in your family, schedule, body, job, church, etc.?  Grieving is not wrong. It is part of the way God made us. But, our grieving must not keep us from moving ahead with God. He hears the cries of our hearts, He understands, and He is working what is best. He can be trusted.

"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him." Psalm 18:30

Father God, please help us to be thankful for where You have placed us, and may our lives help others see You in all Your splendor.

"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place." 2 Corinthians 2:14