Push the Pause Button: Taking Time to Evaluate

At this very moment I am enjoying a rare moment of bliss.  My laptop, Bible, calendar and I are sitting at a local coffee shop, in an air conditioned room with, ironically, a cozy fireplace flickering nearby.  It is doing it's job well, relaxing me while I sip a blueberry Italian soda, nibble an M & M cookie, and reflect on life.  Yes, I'm spoiled.  A whole pack of thank you notes wouldn't be enough to thank my sweet husband.



It is a break, yes.  But, it is also a work appointment.  As a wife and mother I take my job very seriously.  And sometimes I need to get away from the workplace I love to renew my perspective.



As a stay-at-home wife, homeschooling mom, host mom, writer, daughter, friend, and growing child of God, I must take time to pray, evaluate, and plan for coming days.  When I was single I needed to do the same thing.  It was tedious to face life's ups and downs alone, besides being responsible for everything. 

We all need TIME to REFOCUS.

Here are some questions to help us check our path as we push the pause button:



1.  God - Is God still a priority in my life?  If so, what is the evidence?  When is the last time I was truly abiding in Him?  Have I poured my heart out to Him today?  How many times a day do I think about Him?  Do people know that I am His?



2.  Myself: God's Temple - Is my heart soft or hard?  Am I where God wants me to be?  Do I need help?  If so, am I asking for help?  Am I a thankful person?  Am I taking care of my spirit, mind, emotions, and body?  Am I doing ____ for God's glory or mine?  Are my goals in life reasonable or am I constantly defeated by unrealistic expectations?



3.  Others: Eternal Souls - Who has God given to me as priority relationships to help?  Am I putting them first?  Am I doing my best to help them in their walk with God?  Do I pray as much for others as I pray for myself?  Do I need to change my schedule to make more time for others?  Am I using my influence for good in my home, neighborhood, church, community, and beyond?



4.  My Home: God's Embassy - Do I have too much stuff in my home?  Is taking care of things weighing me down and sapping energy better used elsewhere?  What do I need to get rid of?  How often do I have people over?  Is my home a refuge for my family?  Is my home a God-place?  Am I clinging too tightly to things?  Is my house a place of peace and joy?



5.  My Schedule: My Soul Test -  What does my schedule say about me?  About my view of God?  Is it too packed or do I need to add some things to use my time wisely?  What is causing me the most stress?  What about it is stressful?  How much time do I spend online every day? What is the first thing I'd like to remove from my schedule?  Why?  Am I dwelling in the past or future instead of today?

Jesus told us what our priorities should be ...

"Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40



^"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:33



"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2



Blessings abound in us because we are daughters of the King.  Whether we are single, married, with or without kids, an empty-nester, a grandmother, or are standing at the end of life on earth, God wants to help us live with His heart.  All we need to do is ask Him! 

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all. 

- Forgaill

Do You Need a Makeover?

There is an old street near our library, adjacent to the town square, that still has its original bricks. They must have been solid and attractive years ago, but these days the gigantic rivulets, careening potholes, and jagged edges only seem to be capable of rattling my brain and nerves.  I almost feel guilty taking an alternate route, because I absolutely appreciate the idea of treasuring our past and keeping history alive.  However, there comes a time when what was useful no longer is useful.  Improvements need to be made. 

As I was riding the waves on the old brick road last night, an image came into my mind of a woman beyond her teenage years, trying to look and act as if she still is a teenager.  Have you seen her? Instead of convincing us she is young, we find ourselves feeling a little bit embarrassed for her. The young look used to be quaint, but it doesn't work for her anymore.

What Is Beautiful?

Some of the most beautiful women I know are far beyond "29 and holding"! They choose cheerful, modest clothing; avoiding too tight, too short, too low, unnatural make-up, and pigtails.  Their communication is filled with grace, humor, dignity and humility.  They keep a style that fits their personality and is becoming to them, somehow reaching a balance of drawing people to them without bringing too much attention to self.  If I could put it in a nutshell . . .

•  They are confident in God's love for them.


•  They are secure in God's grace which supercedes their sin.


•  They are in love with God more than anything or anyone else.


•  They love others with Christ's love.

They aren't perfect.  Even mature women struggle with "the uglies" - physical, emotional, and spiritual battles which affect their inner and outer beauty.  The difference is that they have learned to focus on Christ, the One whose opinion really matters.

^"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:11, 13

God's Plan For Our Beauty

God is patiently calling us, drawing us, loving us.  He wants us to receive His free gift of salvation.  He then chips away at the ugly sin in our lives, uncovering the masterpiece He's had in mind all along.  If we are willing, He will make us more useful and more beautiful for Him.



When I look at a picture of myself from twenty-five years ago, I see a shy teenage girl, wearing a pastel plaid blouse and a string of white beads.  "Who is that?"  It seems like a lifetime ago.  Do you think I would look silly wearing the same outfit and acting like a fifteen-year-old at age thirty-nine?  Yes, of course.



Yet, spiritually speaking, when my spiritual birthday comes around every April (see My Testimony to find out more), I am humbled and ashamed that I am not more mature in my faith.  My heart cries out, God help me not to be carried away by every emotion and circumstance - help me be strong and mature in who You are, thus who I am in Your eyes.


What about you?  Are you "acting your age" physically, emotionally, and spiritually? 



1.  Physically . . .  Do you need to make a trip to donate old clothes, calling in a friend with the "dressing gene" to help you build a new wardrobe?  Shopping for bargains takes practice.  And sometimes you need to spend a little more money to invest in an outfit that becomes you.  We don't need a closet full!  We just need a few outfits that work well.



2.  Emotionally . . .  Are you holding onto habits that are pulling you down, keeping you from being the best you can be for God?  Are there some hurts you need to forgive and fears to need to forsake?  God is waiting to help you.



3.  Spiritually . . .  Compared to one year ago, are you more like Christ?  Are you more patient?  Are you less critical of others?  Do you run to people or God first?  Are you encouraging the faith of those around you, even if they are at a different place of growth than you? 



These are tough questions, but there is no need to fret.  Spirituality isn't some grand robe of accomplishment you earn when you reach certain level of faith - it is the direction you are going.  Are you going toward God or away from Him?


I would like to look better, to be sure.  But, if I were offered a free makeover, I would worry that the person "remaking" me would turn me into someone who doesn't reflect my personality and preferences. I might hate my new look, be confused about my identity, not be able to maintain the new regimen, or get a big head about my cuteness! 



While I continue to try to keep my outward appearance fresh and current, I usually choose to invest more energy in getting to know my Creator.  He specializes in spiritual makeovers.  And His sense of style is perfect.

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30

 

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The Quiet House: Ministering with the Father's Heart to Childless Men and Women

What happens on Mother’s Day at your church? It is typical and fitting to honor the mothers who are present. In some cases moms are asked to stand, given a public blessing and a hearty applause, followed by a prayer of thanksgiving and dedication. Usually a flower or some other small gift is given to each mom. How Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are observed reveal much about the heart of a church.

The Aching Heart

One of the most painful experiences is that of women or men who desire to have children but cannot. They may be married or single, be barren, or have experienced the loss of a child (or multiple children) through miscarriage or death. It’s true that some people don’t desire to have children, but that is the exception. Most believers look forward to having little ones around, and when that can’t happen, it hurts.



The Parent Heart

Some busy parents may look at those without children and think they have it easy. Well-meaning men and women can misunderstand and even sin against those who are childless. They can be guilty of looking at them with jealousy or judgment: With jealousy a parent might think, "They have time and money to do the things they want.  They have more time to dedicate themselves to serving God."  With judgment someone might think, "Why isn't he married? There must be something wrong with her. Why don’t they have a baby? How strange, how selfish! Exhausted? … They don’t even know the meaning of the word!" If believers are not jealous or judgmental, they can be neglectful. Sad to say, it’s easy to get so busy that we don’t take time to think about the needs of other people.



The Single Heart

One bright Mother’s Day morning, all of the moms were invited to stand in the front of the church. The pastor spoke glowingly of how wonderful they all were and how greatly the future rests upon their shoulders. My single friend Laura felt uncomfortable, since she was about the only woman left back in the pews.  After they were dismissed to their seats, Laura breathed a sigh of relief that the ceremony was over for another year. However, the pastor had forgotten to give the women flowers, so he had some men pass them out right away. My friend was left empty-handed as she looked around at all the smiling mothers.



Laura cried all the way home from church, again asking God to help her be content in her singleness. Unfortunately the pastor had also forgotten to hand out special books, so in the evening service the deliverers were sent out again. A deacon started to hand a book to Laura, and just as she reached out to accept the gift, he quickly pulled his hand back and said, "Oops!" At that moment Laura felt as though she wanted to shrivel up and die.



On holidays honoring parents, some people without children feel uncomfortable, lonely, and even as if they are unimportant or sinful because they haven’t produced children. While they rejoice with their friends who are moms and dads, they can be grievously reminded of their sorrow. Does the church remember these dear sisters and brothers in Christ on these occasions and throughout the year? It is possible to bless everyone present in our churches on days of honor. To do this, believers need to cultivate the heart of the Father.



The Father's Heart

In seeking to minister to others, believers can become overwhelmed with the variety of people and their needs. Knowing that someone needs encouragement is one thing - knowing how to do it is entirely another.  Believers can increase in wisdom by asking God (James 1:5), and by learning to offer comfort to the fainthearted.

"Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men."  I Thessalonians 5:14

Christians may not understand where other people are coming from. Yet with God’s help we can try to put ourselves in their shoes. Believers have no excuse not to do their best to encourage others.



Besides first and foremost praying for them, here are some practical ideas on how church leadership and individuals can minister to people without children:



1. Be friendly.  Don’t talk too much about your kids. If someone in the group is going on and on about their children, smile and start talking about something that they are interested in.



2. Give them opportunities to minister to children.  A precious couple who lost four babies during pregnancy and have no living children are the world’s most loving and dedicated Sunday School teachers.  And what a blessing those children are to them!



3. Include them in family activities. Invite them into your home. Have your children deliver a "just because" card or cookies. Invite them to sit with you in church. Holidays can be the hardest times; if they are not able to be with loved ones, joyfully welcome them to your celebration. You may feel uncomfortable sharing news of your pregnancy with them, but they want to hear it from you. Pray, and God will direct you to the right words and timing. 



4. Remember them on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  Send a note, e-mail, or card reminding them how special they are and to let them know you are praying for them. In church honor the moms and dads present, but also focus on the valuable roles of being godly men and women. If the church is going to give a gift, buy enough to give to every man or woman present. Being a parent doesn’t make folks more precious or better people. Some of the best "moms" and "dads" in our churches don’t have biological children. But, oh, the spiritual children in which they’ve invested their lives!



5. Respect their privacy. In most cases it is rude to ask them when they are going to get married/have kids/adopt. And never ask them why they can’t have children. If they choose to confide in you, make sure you are a trustworthy confidant. 



6. Be considerate regarding specific events.  Use common sense. For instance, you probably wouldn’t want to ask a childless woman to be in charge of a baby shower. It may even be too painful for childless women to attend the shower. This doesn’t mean that they are not happy for the new mother. It may be that they know they can’t handle it emotionally and don’t want to cause a scene.



7. Respect and appreciate them. That they don’t have kids or are unmarried doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from them. Single people and married people without children have so much to offer. Ask them to be your prayer partners or accountability partners. On the other hand, church leadership should not assume that childless people have a lot of extra time and should not take advantage of them, always expecting them to serve.

8. Relax and listen. Don’t worry that you won’t know what to say to them. Be a sympathetic listener and pray for God’s wisdom to know what He would have you to say. 



9. Seek them out. Look for opportunities to serve and fellowship with childless friends. This especially means a lot if it’s a difficult day, like the day their miscarried baby was due or the anniversary of their child's death.



How can we minister to people in circumstances so different from our own? A remarkable reality is that God can use the lessons we learn from going through a trial to help someone going through an entirely different situation! In 2 Corinthians 1:3 and 4 we read , "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (emphasis added). As we learn about God’s comfort, He gives us the ability to comfort others.



After my husband and I lost a child through miscarriage, some of the greatest encouragement came from our single friends and from those who had never lost a child. One friend, who spoke with such wisdom and love, told me that she had asked God to show her what I needed to hear. Another friend prayed and wept with me. What examples these are of godly compassion. Through His Word and Spirit, God can teach us how to minister to anyone.



In this era of support groups believers need to be careful that we do not exclusively mingle with those of their "type." God marvelously designed us as Christ's Body, and He makes it possible and necessary for the "hand" to look after the "foot," and the "elbow" to care for the "eye" (I Corinthians 12). There is a wealth of wisdom and friendship out there among God’s children. And the value of believers' ministering to believers in stages of life different from their own is God’s will for His children (Titus 2). God helps believers to think of others on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, every day. And may they prayerfully minister, as a church body and as individuals, with the Father's heart.

 

(c)2009 Regular Baptist Press. Reproduced by permission.

To find out more about Regular Baptist Press or The Baptist Bulletin: http://www.baptistbulletin.org/




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Reflecting On Marriage - Nine Years Later

Today is a special day for Tim and me.  Nine years ago today we said, "I do!" And by God's grace, we are still saying it, throughout the sunshine and the storms of life. 



Before I was a bride, I sniffled and got teary-eyed at weddings.  My heart cried out, "I want that!"  Now I cry at weddings because I know what they are heading into: God's most sanctifying relationship.  Whether married or single, our loving and gracious Father God appoints sanctifiers (people or things that help us to grow into the people God wants us to be): children or lack of children, jobs, pets, disappointment, financial strain, loneliness (for marrieds and singles), stress, illness, painful relationships, death, and plain old heartache.



I am thankful that I married Tim.  Since our wedding I have grown and changed so much that I hardly recognize myself.  And this is a very good thing. 



Here is a short list of some things I've learned since our wedding day:

1. Only God can meet our deepest longings.  Only God never disappoints.


2. Tim and I are very different, and that's a blessing.  We are happiest when we appreciate and respect our differences.


3. I cannot change my husband, nor should I even try.  The best thing to do is take it to the Lord.


4. Tim is my best friend - not always in the warm-fuzzy sense of the word, but in the reality of faithfulness and always being there for me.  As I am for him.


5. If I want to be close to Tim, I need to be close to the Lord.


6. I married a godly man who has a lot of wisdom to offer - I only need to ask!


7. Sometimes married women are envious of single women.


8. If you survive the yucky stuff, the treasures are well worth the perseverance and hard work.


9. There is nothing better than serving God together as a husband and wife team, and then as a family.


10. God is honored by a godly marriage - it is a living picture of His love for us.

I praise God for my marriage.  And I testify that in God's will and timing, marriage is a very, very good thing.